Dealing With an Unhappy MarriageDealing With an Unhappy Marriage
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Maintaining an harmonious marriage, with or without erectile dysfunction, is not easy. It’s an ongoing task that needs to be worked on daily. Neither is the problem new.
The following article is taken from the 1938 edition of “The Good Housekeeping Marriage Book – Twelve Steps to a Happy Marriage.” Though the language is a bit quaint and dated, the advice offered is sound and worthy of our attention.
Introduction:
"Our purpose in this article is to point out some of the practical steps which can be taken by couples who do have fallings out, to eliminate friction, to keep love alive, and to discover the deeper and wider happiness which might be theirs."
Dealing With an Unhappy Marriage – Five Ways of Coping
No matter what crisis one confronts in life, there are the following five possible ways of dealing with an unhappy marriage:
1. One may acquiesce ignobly. That means to give in weakly, to "take it lying down," as the boys say. If one is disappointed in one's wife or one's husband, if one's sex life in marriage is a failure, if one's in-laws intrude disastrously, if one's mate follows loves outside of marriage, or if any other catastrophe overtakes one's home, one can give way to hopeless lamentation and self-pity.
"There's nothing I can do about it. It's just a rotten world. Nobody ever gives me a decent chance. I suppose I've got to live along and pretend I don't care. Poor me!"
2. One may evade cravenly. That means to run away like a coward. Many divorces are simply a blind and frantic attempt to escape from suffering.
Some divorces, of course, are the best possible solution of a bad situation. But quite often the persons seeking the divorce are really trying to run away from themselves. They have never learned how to live in friendly happiness with other people.
If they marry again, they will promptly find themselves in new suffering because they have never solved the basic problems of their own personalities.
Sometimes the cowardly evasion is mental instead of physical. The husband or wife retires into a private world and puts up an icy barrier against the partner. In any case this type of solution is a blind attempt to run away from the problem instead of facing it bravely, trying to understand it, and seeking the wisest and best solution possible.
3. One may attack vindictively. Most husbands and wives who are skidding toward divorce have convinced themselves that their marriage partners are villains. "This person I married is to blame. He is selfish, heartless, cruel, disloyal, lazy, and nasty. He has hurt me terribly, but I'll get even. I'm going to make him suffer the way he's made me suffer. I'll show him that he can't do that to me!"
4. One may grapple courageously. This means to look the situation squarely in the face, to study it calmly, open-mindedly, and thoroughly. It means to discover the real causes for the disaster, to take an inventory of all the possible resources, and then deliberately and bravely to choose whatever line of action seems most likely to lead up out of the swamp onto higher ground.
In any problem which we face, some of the conditions are almost completely beyond our control. One cannot do much, for example, to change the kind of mother whom one's husband has had, to reverse his inherited characteristics, or to cure the economic depression against which he may have to struggle.
But certain other conditions one can change. Especially, if one will, one can alter one's own ways of acting, of talking, and even of thinking.
The courageous grappler accepts without despair the unchangeable factors in his problem and sets about correcting the conditions which are within his control—especially his own patterns of living.
5. One may cooperate creatively. This means that one will still grapple courageously, but not as a lone wolf. One will seek to understand the other people who are involved: one's husband or wife, one's children, one's relatives, one's rivals, and all the other people who have any part or interest in the family problem.
To understand means to be able to see the situation sympathetically through their eyes, but without losing perspective. Cooperating creatively means teamwork. It means discovering what the best solution is for everybody involved, and then working wholeheartedly toward that solution.
If you yourself are confronting difficulties in your relationship, and you're seeking ways to make things right and bring back the romance, I highly recommend you read Save My Marriage Today!
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